The Redneck Riviera!

Summer is here in full force! I mean it is really freaking hot outside! When I was a lad, my family used to escape the New Orleans heat and humidity and head to the Gulf coast, or as some affectionately call it, The Redneck Riviera.
New Orleans is located in the south, but it is not culturally typical of a southern city. Places we used to visit like Biloxi, Mobile, or my favorite, Panama City, Fla, really are southern cities, culturally speaking. These were the places we would visit where the locals would remark to us in their thick southern drawls: "Ya'll talk funny."
The three Polaroids above are putt-putt courses from Panama City Beach. I had no interest whatsoever in playing the game. I only wanted to see the plaster dinosaurs that adorned the course, much to the chagrin of my family and miniature gulf enthusiasts who just wanted that annoying little kid to stop blocking the holes.
After I threw many a tantrum to get the over-priced rubber dinosaurs and monsters that were sold in the gift shop, we would leave such places and dip in the clear green waters of the Gulf of Mexico, all the while keeping an eye open for the occasional stingray or jellyfish. Lots of people want to go to Pensacola or Destin, and while those places might have pretty beaches, Panama City has more amusement parks, putt-putt courses, and other tourist traps in addition to public beaches.
My last visit at 21 killed the romance, however. The water was all full of thick green seaweed that looked like spinach and smelled like briny rotten eggs. The only clear water was at an over-crowded jetty, and it was freezing cold. Not only that, but I had clearly out-grown all of the junk that used to fascinate me as a kid. In recent years, Miracle Strip Amusement Park , a major attraction in Panama City closed down. I guess it's the same story pretty much everywhere else in America.
Here in New Orleans, we do have Lake Pontchartrain, which was re-opened to swimmers a couple years back, but you still might come out of the water with a thick, chitinous shell forming over your genitals. I wouldn't recommend it.